Happy Guy Fawkes Day

Good day, eh...like I said, Happy Guy Fawkes Day! If you're not aware of Guy Fawkes Day, grab the nearest book and strike yourself about the head. Or, if you're not down with that go here. Ah, those crazy Catholics.

As we barrel haphazardly towards the holiday season, I find myself becoming more disenchanted with the whole dog and pony show that the "magical" days of Thanksgiving and Christmas bring. I have a fairly skewed outlook on the whole process. I grew up in the middle of fucking nowhere (mofn for short) away from extended family so on good holidays it was me, my brother and the 'rents. More often than not, my dad was gone for one or both of the holidays in question due to his responsibilities in the military. In any case, holidays were a fairly casual affair.

Fast-forward to the present. The parental units live quite close to my paternal grandparents so any and all holidays, however benign, are expected to be spent at their house. Don't get me wrong, I love my grandparents, which is easy since I was first born grandkid and the favorite even though they will never openly admit it (everyone knows it). My problem is that it is such a fucking production to spend holidays there.

For real, it's the holidays. Hang out with family, eat, drink, watch football, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I wish. It's like four days of unadulterated stress that's really not worth it. "What're you wearing?" "You're wearing that?!" "You can't wear jeans, it's the holidays, show some respect dammit." So this year I'm not doing it. Not going. I'm going to be curled up in bed in my apartment, four hours away from the ball of stress with a Tombstone pizza some cold Dos Equis. At least that's the plan. My mother is mortified at the prospect. I think she's just got the empty nest DT shakes.

The only thing worse than holiday stress at the grandparents, is having to split time between your family and your significant other's family. A girl I dated for quite a period of time was from the same town...like five minutes from my grandparents and holidays were a big thing for her family. Which is cool, I got along great with her family...in small doses. Did I mention that I am a more laid back guy for stuff like holidays? Twenty-two people crammed in a house designed for four is not my type of environment. And it wasn't like a "Hey, I'll stop by and make and appearance, maybe have a slice of pie." The bulk of the day I was trapped in a house so loud I couldn't think with her obnoxious pre-pubescent cousins running around screaming. Three years in a row, both holidays. Oh, and those were in the days before I drank, so it's not even like I could drunkenly get through them.

So, yeah, Happy Hermit-Holidays for me!